BEN TINSLEY: Christoper Blaine knows what a "dutch oven" is

I really don't know why Chistopher Blaine has stopped writing blogs. He's MIA. And I think he's strung out on some serious drugs. And hanging with some strange women.

I keep calling his house to ask when he's going to turn his column in and I get this really eager "Yessir, Boss," early in the day. Sounding really eager to please, you know?

But no blog ever arrives.

So I call back and no one answers. Finally on my 13th telephonic try, Blaine picks up the phone abruptly, his voice husky with Whiskey and Vicadin, and he tells me he's going to kill me if I don't stop harassing him. Then he threatens to reassign my wives to new husbands. I then remind him I'm divorced -- and that even when married only had one wife. And Chris goes all weird and silent for a moment.

"Wha the fug don' you stop calling me?" he asks.

"Because you owe me a blog, Doofus," I answer.

Then I hear a teenage girl with a cute Kentucky accent scream, "NO, Daddy! Don't start the apocalypse!!" And the phone goes dead.

I'm planning an intervention for Chris. His drunken, heroin-fueled behavior has started to attract the attention of the cops. I was questioned by the feds about him the other day. Something about "plural marriage," whatever that is.

I was looking online the other day and found that Chris has a sexual offender profile in the state of Kentucky. And, like, 70 children from multiple wives.

So all I have to say is Chris is this: START WRITING YOUR DAMN BLOG OR I'M GOING TO PUBLISH EVERY BIT OF EVIDENCE I'VE ACCUMULATED ABOUT YOUR ALTERNATE LIFESTYLE.

Sincerely,

Your publisher.

REG ID: 8675309
NAME: BLAINE, CHRISTOPHER WHISKEY
ALIASES: BUENO EXCELLENTE
DOOKEY N. MYHINEY
BIRTH DATE: 1-21-69
SEX: Male
Race: White
HEIGHT: 6'6
On supervised release
Offense: CRIMES FROM OTHER STATES/TERRITORIES/COUNTRIES
Age of Victims: 17 through 109.
Remarks: Unable to determine which of the female victims is actually married to him and which just think they are.

BEN TINSLEY: Let's talk about magic.

I've been a sucker for good comic book magic stories for a long time.

I loved DC's old House of Mystery, the Phantom Stranger, Deadman and Swamp Thing series. I adored Marvel's Werewolf By Night, Dracula, Son of Satan, and Dr. Strange.

There's also my beloved Vamprella -- copies of whose mag I could only seemed to find on the magazine rack at the local grocery store. Vampi was tuff in that rubber band swimsuit she always wore.

When Hellblazer first deputed in the late 1980s I was the hugest fan ever. Sandman, then Lucifer, now Fables just keep the fictional momentum going for me.

You name the magic comic and I love it. I love magic stories because, if they are worth their salt, they are VERRRY mysterious. The characters seem more real to me for some reason (probably because everyone's motives are usually so dark and therefore believable).

A good magic story redefines and reinvents exactly magic IS, and how it can and can't be used. Like its own independent universe. In my opinion, if the rules of one good magic story don't contradict with another, then the writer hasn't done his job.

That's why I love Pmanuel Alvear's JOHN DOE, the adventures of an urban magician, which debut in our upcoming Two-Fisted Adventures #1. John Doe is mysterious, the rules of magic are again reinvented, and we're told how magic can and can't be used.

Pmanuel and I have spent many college evenings in Stephenville, Texas discussing the implications of magic. We did this while reading and comparing issues of Hellblazer and arguing about which writer was the best. Garth Ennis tends to win the day when we do this, but I'm also a huge Jamie Delano fan.

Pmanuel has long wanted to write a good magic story and I have long wanted to read it.

So, here it is. Soon. I'm sure you'll enjoy it as much as we do.

Watch for JOHN DOE. Coming soon to you in a comic book store. We hope.

Sincerely,

BEN TINSLEY
Publisher,
Wham Bang Comics

BEN TINSLEY: Check out "The Juice" on our MySpace page!

Over on our MySpace page, http://www.myspace.com/whambangcomics, we're coming out swinging with our new webcomic, which is being published online a tad early because we want it to stay timely.

It revolves around the new robbery charges against OJ Simpson in Las Vegas -- which I am more than aware of since I work as a newspaper reporter in this fine city now.

We should have our following comic out within the next three weeks or so as the countdown to the premiere of our first comic book continues.

Hope you enjoy it.

Sincerely,

Ben Tinsley,
Publisher,
Wham Bang Comics

BEN TINSLEY: We’re moving our OTHER blog. (Not this one.) At least for the time being

(From our MySpace page in regard to our arriving here at our new blog home.)

We're moving -- at least for a little while.

Not from THIS site. We love MySpace. No, we're moving from our former primary site to a new one, http://whambangcomics.blogspot.com/.

Why? Well, we're having some computer difficulties at the old place that's making it hard to keep posts going there on a regular basis.

So please join us over at http://whambangcomics.blogspot.com/ for fun, frolic, and the latest news about our impending first comic book Two-Fisted Adventures 1.

Sincerely,

BEN TINSLEY

BEN TINSLEY: Welcome to our new blog!

Welcome to Wham Bang Comics' new blog!

Following is a repeat of a recent column:

You may see us soon. This is my repeat of an update about Wham Bang Comics' inaugural issue, Two-Fisted Adventures 1.

It's just about finished -- art, writing, the whole shebang. But everything remains an "if" right now. IF all goes well, we could be on the racks at comic book stores by early next near.

That depends on Diamond Comic Distributors picking our first comic up for distribution. If they do, we will take out a pretty healthy ad in their catalogue and hopefully be in the hands of young people across the United States by February!

If Diamond doesn't pick us up, we will have to regroup and figure out how to get our product out there. But I have high hopes that whatever happens we will prevail.

As a comics reader, I think it's time that new superhero mythologies were created. I think that recycling established characters decade over decade is great for fans like me, but I'm worried that the kids of today don't have any heroes of their own generation to inspire them.

With my son Jake's character Night Owl, I have faith that will change. Jake is only 12, but the influences he brings to his writing -- with my help and coaching -- is unlike most of the superhero stuff you'll see today.

Not to mention our powerhouse writers Chris Blaine, Pmanuel Alvear and Casey Columbus. This fabulous trio have gone out of their way to write great superhero or horror stories that I predict will have a great impact.

If only we can get this comic to your hot sweaty hands through Diamond's distribution. Hope, hope, hope. Pray, pray, pray.

The first issue of Two-Fisted will be 50 pages, cost between $4.99 and $5.99 and be in full color. It's a total labor of love from start to finish and I hope our future readers enjoy looking at it as much as we enjoyed writing and drawing it.

We're about to send our comic to Diamond by mail for their evaluation.

Keep your fingers crossed that they'll decide to pick us up. Maybe you'll see us in your comic stores soon.

Hope, hope, hope. Pray, pray, pray.

Sincerely,

BEN TINSLEY
publisher, Wham Bang Comics